Am I there for myself?

Almost 3 decades of life, high paced rat race, assumed competition from the peers, all the new phases, bigger adjustments than before, forgotten friends, unforgiving workplace and a thousand thoughts in silence....all of it and still nothing in life. Gone are the days of a sound sleep. Today, there are a million sounds in sleep. Maybe the soul is appealing for freedom for I abducted my own self within me.

Often advised to stay calm and not get bothered by the things and buggers around me I don't follow what is being said to me. Knowing that my impulse reactions affect me the most I can't help it because in my heart even I know that I am not doing good to me.

A bad routine, a bad diet, a bad life plan, worse decisions and worst outcomes. Where there should be gratitude in the attitude, I am consistently blaming myself for everything that's not on track and for the things that could have been better. Impulsive decisions and nasty thoughts. I need to be a calm soul and at peace in my mind but I behave no less than an infuriated monkey.

Two degrees and two bank accounts but in the balance sheet of life, happiness is not equal to the sorrows. I try inhaling some peace of mind while exhaling a lot of frustration. Clearly, I am failing at the most important role in life - being my own guardian.