God And The Nail Cutters

We in India are too much into superstitions and blind faiths.  What all was told to the previous generations is forwarded to the next generation like a legacy. You tell them a myth and attach God to it and they’ll blindly follow it. Such innocence, no? Here, I will talk about my favorite Indian superstitions.

The black cat crossing the road could be unlucky for humans but what if we humans are unlucky for the animal?  Do you think about them? No! You think only about yourself. Lemons go so expensive in summers it’s almost like a luxury, but the investment is nothing if they are tied with green chillies in a string and hung on the outside of the home or office to keep off the evil eye. Indian superstition? NO! God’s blessing.

Out of all, my best one is NOT CUTTING THE FINGERNAILS ON TUESDAY-THURSDAY-SATURDAY AND AT NIGHT. People attach this thing to the fear of God. Indian superstitions alert!!

Why would God have the problem with humans getting groomed? God likes neatness too, I believe.

I have been thinking about it really deeply and understood that maybe God doesn’t like the sharp-irritating sound of ‘tik tik’ that the nail cutters make while chopping the nails; and so he asked his “trusted ones” to spread the message of not making ‘the sound’ on 3 days and all the nights of the week (because you adjust a little and God will adjust a little, win-win situation).

Maybe God takes cutting the nails too seriously. All the crime in the world at one place but “who is making that tik tik tak tak?” in one place. Even I don’t like unnecessary noises. I second God in this. Even if God is sleeping, he’ll know what you did. Even if you try to attach a silencer to your nail cutter still the God will know. Just because you sin differently, don’t think you are not seen. You are all recorded in a special CCTV  exclusively for the Nail cutters and mind you, you’ll have a special place in hell. This isn’t just an Indian superstition, this is the defeat of science.

No matter how busy God is keeping records of who is doing what but those with nail cutters, ” you are gone”. The one with scissors, don’t you feel safe because it’s kind of the same thing because chopping the hair on those 3 days and all nights of the week isn’t a good idea neither. So save your ass and do as you’re told.

With love,

The ministry of Indian Superstitions

Socially Awkward Butterfly

I usually surround myself with an invisible bubble that keeps new people away from me. I am not so easily approachable. I do not like most of the people and so I hesitate when it comes to being social. I hate to socialize because it includes talking to those you don’t even want to see. Though I have a few people I love and hang out with I picked them for me. I don’t know how to start a conversation with a new and random person. I might just spend the whole time waiting for the other person to initiate (and if one doesn’t, even better!!) and that makes me a Socially Awkward Butterfly (so what if I’m socially awkward, I’m still a butterfly).

Being a social butterfly doesn’t mean that I always need to talk.  For me, it is just listening to others at the beginning. If anyone tries to talk, I listen. If I feel like talking or suggesting anything I do it. I feel it’s better if I talk less and listen more. This way I can learn about people before they can know about me and so I can choose the people I would like to talk to myself.

Talking too much can backfire too. People can sometimes act really stupid. That can interpret different meanings of what you say. They may take anything in the wrong way. They can filter or color your words according to their understanding and convenience. They may even spread rumors about you saying that you said something that you never did. Talking less can prevent this and can be a plus point for me.

You cannot escape socialization. Wherever you are, whatever you do, you need to interact. If you cannot talk, you can’t survive, some people can win just by the words, others may lose in the same way. My social awkwardness has made me hesitant, under-confident and unnecessarily shy. Knowing that I’m better off many others, I still feel shy in raising the hand and making any point.

Every day is a challenge for me; the world is full of humans. Wherever your head turns, you’ll find people. I can be an extrovert if I find the right person to talk to but then that’s another task. The world doesn’t accept introverts but interestingly, introverts have their own world. Maybe, what matters most is being happy- with people around or without anyone around.

You Are What You're Told To Be

Isn’t it very depressing that when you’re a kid, everyone around you encourages you to follow your dreams, but when you’re older, somehow they act offended if you even try? You are no longer encouraged by those who once injected confidence in you? Your dance, for instance, is limited to your co-curricular activities in school (for certificates) or maybe to your family functions. Your family no longer adores the star in you the way they felt proud even when you were a goat in a fancy dress competition?

Talking of the competition, not only we compete at various levels, our parents compete with the other parents as whose child will make his/her family prouder. “Your boy opted for humanities? My champ took Science!”; “Your girl is an air hostess?  My girl is the head manager in an MNC”. There are a lot many such examples where parents are happily boasting about their child’s success but did anyone ask that science boy or the head MNC girl if they are happy with what they are doing?

The one who wanted to be a writer might end up being an architect. The guy, who wanted to be a chef, is now a doctor. The girl who once wished to be a cartoonist is now a fashion designer. Inside every next person is a person that one wanted to be and that one is currently not. Most of us have killed their dreams maybe because their dreams didn’t match with that of their family or any particular situation at a particular time. Those who are focused, always strive for what they want, they fight for it. Those who are not strong enough, simply surrender themselves to destiny. Such people start to go with the flow and often curse their destiny for not giving them what they deserved.

Almost all of us had the toy guitar that played some random music when you press a button. For us, it was just a guitar, but for someone, it was his passion; something his parents didn’t like in his hands as he was growing. The “chaar log kya kahenge?” tension has taken many lives & a lot more are yet to be slaughtered.

Then comes the worst thing of all times – comparison. No matter how many times we tell the people to stop comparing an Apple with a Peach but what eventually happens? In the race of being an Apple, the Peach ends up looking like a butt. Not everyone can ignore what would make their parents happy or what can quiet the stupid relatives. Those relatives that magically appear the moment you turn 25. You might not know their names but they are ready to whip you with their tongues. Every “what do you do? How much do you make? When will you get married? What are your plans?” kind of question is as displeasing as the face of the one who is asking.

Plenty of us are unhappy with what we are doing because we do what we are made to do. Irritated at work, cribbing about jobs, looking at those following their passion and envying them.  In the end we don’t know who is to be blamed: the family, the relatives, the fear, the peer pressure, the circumstances or just ourselves for not having the courage…

Count My Flaws

As per the standard definition, a FLAW is any defect or weakness in a person or one’s character. A major bunch of us is always conscious of the ‘defects’ in us. We have the inferiority complex, we’re under-confident and often look in others what we are not blessed with (often out of envy).

When we think of all our imperfections then it sums up to sadness. Irrespective of age and gender, anyone can get seriously upset and jealous. It is so distressing to see SO MANY around us think nothing before making the other person feel inadequate. People laugh at those who stammer, fat people are always a joke material, wearing spectacles is not easy for a child, a teenager with a few grey hairs is mocked, height is a problem, English speaking is a national issue, joblessness is pointed, skinny people are assumed to have deficiencies, pimples disgust, husky voice is unpleasant, facial hair on women is a big disgrace…. Basically, anything and everything is made fun of.

All of it could be carried by a child’s mind for years or maybe a lifetime.

We all know somebody who’s trying to be perfect from the outside but from the inside they might just be so empty and scared. Scared if people get to know what’s behind the layers of makeup, what’s the thickness of the spectacles behind those lenses, how many pimples the beard is hiding, or how many failures they have faced.

People, in fact, try to cover up their aimlessness by taking a pointless job. It’s too easy to demoralize someone with your harsh words without realizing its impact. If we can’t say anything good we must keep silent.

Choose one – sympathy or empathy? I pick empathy because “I can understand how you must be feeling” sound more convincing coming from the one who shares the same or similar pain and even a flaw.

What if, while we are discussing our achievements and adventures, start discussing our flaws as well? Imagine if the other person shares the same problem and might want to open up with me because he/she was always very uncomfortable about it? What if in a discussion we could find a solution to our problems by someone? Maybe the discussion can reduce if not remove the feeling of mediocrity in a person. TRY. Maybe you can make somebody feel good and ACCEPTED.

Remember: Self-acceptance is more important than social acceptance. A flaw in a person shouldn’t be decided by society but by the person himself. I accept myself. So, count my flaws while you fix yours.

The Right Age To Marry

Brown girls have 99 problems. One of their biggest discomforts is being judged on petty things. Everybody is eyeing the girl and she knows she is being noticed by even those she doesn’t know about. Beauty standards, clothes checklist, required skills and all the disciplines are told and taught to her since childhood. As a brown girl grows, her tensions grow along. Tensions of perfect skin, perfect body, perfect character and a perfect age to marry. All the girls I know are tired of the talks about “the right age to marry”. The right age is technically a nonsense thing but socially it’s a pre-requisite for marriage.

Since I stepped into my 20s, I’m flooded with the blood-sucking talks of marriage and marriageable age and what would make me a good bride and a good wife. I know that I am presented as the best product of the family that will further decorate my would-be family. My features, guarantee and warranty must be overly exaggerated to others to make sure they realize what they would miss on if they don’t take me as their BAHU.

The day I crossed 23, I saw the stress on my father’s face as he wished me a happy birthday because when he was saying “happy birthday”, in his head he was counting “happy TWENTY-THIRD birthday”. I know this. I was sure he’s now worried about my uncontrollable ageing and how he needs to find a boy for me as soon as possible because- “the right age to marry”. With all the disappointment, worries and latent happiness I heard “happy birthday” which I assume would actually be “no right age to marry now but still happy birthday to you”. *Laughs it off*

It was my cousin's wedding. I hated going to weddings or parties for the same talks of marriage. This is all sickening. It’s better to stay with your pet at home and eat in your pyjamas than taking an hour to get dressed to listen to things you don’t want to. More than half the faces were new to me. I hate you already. At the wedding, a girl 10 years younger said to me “you know you should marry now. She is also marrying but her face.... she looks so dull. You still have a pretty face so you marry soon.” WTF she just said!! She’s hardly 15 years old and saying all of it. I just didn’t know what was worse- her, telling me about my right age to marry or her, saying things like this?

The Conclusion:

THIS WILL HAPPEN. Make peace with it. The sooner you accept, the less it will irritate. Nobody around has got any better thing to do than poking. What best we can do is let the people around us behave like fools and while they are at their best (annoying) selves, we’ll be at our happy selves. You do you because it’s never going to end. Cheers to being brave EVERY DAY!!

Feel free to feel beautiful

Looking good is on the to-do list of all the girls. Every girl tries her level hard to be present as an eye-catching human of the place they are at. We girls work on our hair, face, body, clothes , accessories , shoes, bags or even nail art just to look every bit perfect. Obviously this thing can't be generalized to all the women. Some are just too cool to give a fack to all this. They can carry baggy clothes, casual shoes and messy hair in the sassiest way possible. Effortlessly pretty. I have always adorned those women. Like so awesome.

I was a girl that was too much dependent on her contact lenses if I had to step out of the house ; which made me dependent on the eye liner to beauty them. I have frizzy n curly hair so there was no life without hair straightening to get rid of the frizz. The lips couldn't do without a lipstick - the darker the better. Then obviously the clothes should match the shoes. The nail paint should be changed every week. Gosh ! So much of it. I was so much dependent on every single thing like an absence if any of it would make me think a thousand things negative about my looks. I felt so incomplete.

When I got my braces done last year I was so ashamed if stepping out of the house. I looked like a goat. Any lip color (all of them being bold shades) would look so bad on me as my lips were all popped out after the braces.  I would refuse to hang out and taking pictures was something I tried to escape. After a few weeks I started feeling comfortable with this look as there was no other option. I started taking selfies with silly filters which didn't highlight my mouth portion so much and I started to like it. I started taking pictures with everyone. Life cant remain easy for long so one day I got conjunctivitis.

 I could not put my contacts on. I literally took a 2 days off so that I can get back at work with contacts. Things didn't work and in fact backfired due to my impatience. I put my lenses on my half recovered eyes and it got worse. So much that I was told to not out them for at least 45 days. Then I had no option but to put on my spectacles. Though I've been wearing anti glares at office it didn't really come like something new to the people around me as they were seeing me with my glasses on every day. This was easy. I waited for 45 days . Still I was so uncomfortable with the contacts that out of irritation I actually tore them off. I got another pair thinking that the previous pair might have worn out. The new pair didn't work and I literally threw it. Since then I'm not wearing lenses but only my spectacles. Blessing in disguise - I didn't have to do any eye makeup which saves 15 minutes in the morning so more sleep. Then I stopped even making my hair. Another 15 minutes more to sleep. Then no lipstick. Another few mins. So basically I started living a life with more morning sleep and least dependency on those little things that mattered to me the most at a time. I was so stupid.

Now even I'm one of those girls I adored. Getting ready is easy is effortless. I no longer look at those girls with an awe that have everything on point. My life gave me chances to accept myself better. I feel good, I feel pretty.


Feel free to feel beautiful !

Don't be so hard on yourself

When you are trying to push yourself into something which is just not meant to be for you , just like mixing oil into water, know this that you are being very hard to yourself. The quotes may say things like 'push yourself more when you decide to give up' and similar things that may sound brilliant but don't suit most situations. It's just so normal to not be perfect. You are anyway better than those who aren't even trying. It takes a lot to make decisions to quit, to give up, to take a break or to relax. There are times when you reach your saturation point beyond which is just harm, majorly mentally. Then at that time we have people around us who act like a pro in every situation. It's always very easy to advice someone because when someone comes to you with a problem they are into a maze, they are lost and can't decide ; While you with a bird's eye from the above have a view on how to get out of that maze. However when you are in a maze of your own you need an other person to take you out of it. A solution can only be suggested , a direction can only be shown but whether to walk that way is entirely your decision. If it suits it's great , if it doesn't then just don't impose it on yourself. We are already following the trends we are not supposed to. We are already jumping into fire even when we don't need to. We are constantly pushing our limits to a point that it starts to backfire. You don't talk to anyone more than you talk to yourself so be kinder with yourself.