What is PHOTO-SENSITIVITY?

Back in 2014 on my way back home, there was an irritating itching on my arms and neck. In no time, the skin started turning red and I assumed it’s because I rubbed and itched so hard. Till I got home, it was turning deep red and I was worried if I’m changing into some other species.

Itchy eruptions and redness were all that I could see. It was scary. I never saw anything like this happening to anyone. On consulting a skin specialist, I came across a new term and yet another problem- PHOTO-SENSITIVITY. I was told that, in simple terms, sun doesn’t suit me (I always knew it, anyway) and excessive lighting anyway would harm me.

This generally happens to young females. Different skin types react differently to different amounts of sun exposure. My skin reacts very badly to even a small amount of sunlight or fluorescent lights. Sun-blocks don’t work for me and covering every inch of the body in 40 degrees causes this (check images).

Photo- allergy can cause rashes, sunburns and blistering. Whenever you something of this kind happening to your skin, congratulations for turning into a Pokemon! Jokes apart, see the doctor without wasting any more time.

Photo-sensitivity can be very dangerous, can cause diseases you don’t wish to know and harms skin in a way you don’t wish to see. Cover yourself properly and don’t take a chance.

The DARK Side Of The Indian Shoe Stores

Other than a wide range of footwear, every Indian shoe store would have a group of salesmen trying to sell you what you don’t want to buy, a lot of customers especially focusing on the pairs on discount and a magical darkroom that throws and catches the shoes.

Since my childhood, I have always been fascinated by the man that never shows his face or speaks a word but is always there to toss a pair down. The sales manager would communicate with him with words like “iska salaa de”, “black ka maanjh pakda”, “who naya wala piece nikal doctor sole ka” and so on.

The person in the dark-den is as much giving you the attention as the immediate salesman. While the seller knows what pair you are picking and what else can he pitch you, the hidden man helps him with colors, sizes and options. The salesman might be the face but it’s the efforts of the one “out of sight” who’s on his toes all that while.

The seller being in direct contact with the customers takes away all the praise of converting a customer but the efforts of the one in the hideaway are ignored.

Interestingly, this isn’t just the case with a regular shoe-shop. The companies big and small that you work with have the same problem. The efforts of the back-end team are always overshadowed by the team-leader. In most of the cases, your boss will always be ready to take away what’s yours- THE CREDIT!

The shoe-stores are the smallest yet the darkest side of the corporate world.

At times, it becomes so difficult to decide what makes you sadder- the appreciation you didn’t get or the fame you can’t claim.

Weddings Are Nothing What Instagram Shows You

A wedding is surely the biggest day of your life, especially for the bride. Are you or somebody you know a soon-to-be-bride? Let me tell you that everything is done, bought and planned only around you. The awesome part is that you get the best of anything you want in your trousseau. Every day, we check the social media feed full of fancy brides and every one featuring and adoring them. “I WANT!” is what you think to all those likes and flattering comments.

While it feels amazing to see a whole lot of gorgeous brides and aww-worthy couple pictures, it’s kind of a pressure to be as good. What if I’m not that pretty as a bride? What if there’s a fashion blunder? What if our pictures don’t come ‘insta-worthy’? All of the comparison and benchmarks are too much to handle if you’re a girl who hardly gets dressed-up.

Then, as you realize that the D-day is coming closer you start coming out of the little dream world you were living in for quite some time now. The stress is real, the tension is high and don’t get me started on the suggestions. Everybody is a god-damn advisor uncalled for. You get n number of suggestions from even those you seldom talk to. Everything and everyone becomes scary.

You are flooded with the screenshots and the images of what they find you to consider. “Hire this MUA, buy this color lehenga, why are you not getting your hair colored? Look subtle on wedding don’t go overboard. Go for this hairstyle. Where’s your pre-wedding shoot?”. Oh- My- God! I understand your concern is all in a positive way for me but HELLO! I’m kind of not feeling very happy here.

The choice of clothes being the simplest thing is even not so easy. You have to take everything as a “nayi bahu” and the blingy, embellished and embroidered stuff is not something you dream of wearing. You go to the shop and the shopkeeper goes like “thode aur heavy dikhao ma’am ki shadi hai” and here goes yards of fabric art. Count those heels and ‘fancy’ purses too that you need to match with everything.

Days before the wedding are so emotional I never knew. Everything I see at home makes me cry. The old stuff that I can’t take along  (as told), my collection of things, my comfortable bed, my comfiest pajamas, eating and sleeping whenever and whatever, shouting on my brothers because I’m mad, throwing tantrums…no it will NOT be the same. Nobody’s gonna take it (neither would you).

What fears me the most is that soon everything will settle down, everyone in the house would be used to living without me and they’ll be fine. Both places the other home would be referred as “apne ghar” (eg. Apne ghar jaa ke karna) so much that I wouldn’t be sure of which is “mera ghar”.

*Heartache*

I’m sure there are a bunch of bloodcurdling things for the boys too that we don’t see but I can only talk about me.

I’m Still Not Over That Auto Rickshaw Incident

It was finally Sunday after 6 long work-days and I was glad I finally had a break from work. Having received a list of complaints about not managing to take out time to meet, I finally planned to dedicate my precious week-off to my friend. I couldn’t manage to wake up early and was eventually running late, I was struggling to get an auto-rickshaw. SOON after hundreds of REJECTION, an auto finally stopped and agreed.

The drive wasn’t long but the traffic was. The auto-driver must have seen the tension on my face after multiple calls of “yeah..almost there” and he started talking to me to divert my mind (I guess). He asked me where I am from, what do I do and what have I done and told me about himself. The discussion moved to how happy he feels to see kids being so responsible for their career and family.

Out of nowhere, he shared how a boy from his family got into the “bad habits” and destroyed himself and how our generation is getting into materialism. “At our times, we got married soon after completing studies. It didn’t matter if we have a job or not if we are settled or not,” he said. “But that’s not right na, you need to be responsible to start a family. You need money. How can one marry like that?” I asked.

He laughed and said “stress and competition existed in every generation. You, we, our grandparents and their parents; they all struggled and managed to sail through. It’s just we didn’t have internet so we didn’t know who’s doing what so there was nothing to be jealous about. We could measure our growth and focused only on where we were and where have we reached so far.”

It started making sense when he further said “Today, you all are stressing over where you wish to be and even more concerned about what others are doing. You kids are just adding to your tensions. At our time, we just knew what to do and how to do, not giving a damn to what my friend or neighbor is up to.”

“We married, had kids, made them what they are…all by going with the flow. If only you people can understand that it will all be alright instead of freaking yourselves up and indulging into alcohol, drugs and other things; your lives would be simple too”.

I didn’t say a word all that while. He made sense. I was just silent. Reached my destination, I didn’t know to pay him the fare or thanks. I looked at my face in the rear-view and saw the panic, hassle and trouble I left home with. I realized what he said is practically possible and that life is actually not so complicated as we’ve made it.

Migraine Is Nor Just A Headache

It’s very common to confuse one thing with something else f you don’t know about it. There are things that a person needs to be aware of. Awareness of certain things is important like facts about smoking, drinking, drugs, condom, environment, hacking etc and it’s spread as much as possible. From a gazillion things, one thing, I feel, should also be told, that migraine is NOT the same as a headache.

It’s not because I suffer from this painful thing but because so many of us do. You can’t guess the number of people around us going through this hell. Sadly, many of them don’t even know if they have normal headaches happening every time or migraine pain. It is intolerable, unavoidable and the worst than any regular pain in the body. I wish to inform this to everyone possible that how gut-wrenching it is.

It shouldn’t be thought of as a regular headache because it feels like the brain is aching. Every time somebody says a word, it’s unbearable. If I get a migraine and there is any sound, like ANY, it’s going to disturb me like hell! Even a little patting sound is like a drum strum. Any music beat is like a hammer hitting my head. 9/10 people won’t understand you. Probably some God’s sent would cooperate but a huge bunch of buggers would be like “Oh! It’s just a headache, stay calm”, “Why are you getting so crabby, it’s just a headache *suggests a Disprin tablet*”, “Don’t be so stupid. Don’t ask us to not talk. Because you have a headache you should go”.

The worst thing I heard was from my manager, who was exasperated because I couldn’t make it to work after the terrible pain last night. She was just not ready to accept that I wasn’t on an ‘approved’ leave. It was just 10 mins the office had started that day, she just couldn’t wait. Not just she was dumb enough to compare me with another migraine sufferer, she had that audacity to ask for a prescription of the medicines I had!

The intensity of pain differs from person to person. For a person, a tablet will work but for the other one might need an injection. Now, the challenge is how to make people understand how you are feeling. Poor thing, there is no proof to it. The light is bothering, all the sounds are displeasing and everything is so irksome. Even the sufferer is not aware of how ill-tempered & cross they’re being.

“Please cooperate when we tell you to don’t make noise, understand when we tell you to leave us alone for a while and most importantly, believe us. Also, understand that a migraine is not a headache. Even if you hate us at that moment, tell us later, but try giving some space”.

May God bless good health to all!!

Mind Your Own Business

IT AIN’T A SECRET…BUT IT AIN’T YOUR BUSINESS EITHER!!

The wisdom of a man is definitely checked by his ability to mind his own business.

Minding your own business is way less stressful. When you are not bothered what others do or what is happening to others, you have a lot of time for your own self, for your own development, your own work, for feeding a pet, cleaning your room or maybe just a little more sleep. When you are less butty, you save time in getting the news from everywhere and save efforts by not getting to discuss crap with your fellow ones.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I mind my own business,

WHY DON’T YOU?

You are made to worry only about yourself, take care of yourself & your loved ones, be of some help to a needy, and relax when there is a fight between those you do not know, not interfering in the matters where you are not asked to. Life is just so simple.

Rumors about others are as true as those about you. Don’t get into rumors & gossips as those who gossip with you will surely gossip about you. Be disinterested in the personal matters of people. Only when you are approached and asked for a help/suggestion, do that. That is decent and is appreciated. Then you are not seen as someone playing the nosy games but as a genuine friend. Remember, not everyone’s problem is your concern; you already have a lot for yourself to deal with.

Make somebody happy today. Mind your own Business. (- Ann Landers)

God And The Nail Cutters

We in India are too much into superstitions and blind faiths.  What all was told to the previous generations is forwarded to the next generation like a legacy. You tell them a myth and attach God to it and they’ll blindly follow it. Such innocence, no? Here, I will talk about my favorite Indian superstitions.

The black cat crossing the road could be unlucky for humans but what if we humans are unlucky for the animal?  Do you think about them? No! You think only about yourself. Lemons go so expensive in summers it’s almost like a luxury, but the investment is nothing if they are tied with green chillies in a string and hung on the outside of the home or office to keep off the evil eye. Indian superstition? NO! God’s blessing.

Out of all, my best one is NOT CUTTING THE FINGERNAILS ON TUESDAY-THURSDAY-SATURDAY AND AT NIGHT. People attach this thing to the fear of God. Indian superstitions alert!!

Why would God have the problem with humans getting groomed? God likes neatness too, I believe.

I have been thinking about it really deeply and understood that maybe God doesn’t like the sharp-irritating sound of ‘tik tik’ that the nail cutters make while chopping the nails; and so he asked his “trusted ones” to spread the message of not making ‘the sound’ on 3 days and all the nights of the week (because you adjust a little and God will adjust a little, win-win situation).

Maybe God takes cutting the nails too seriously. All the crime in the world at one place but “who is making that tik tik tak tak?” in one place. Even I don’t like unnecessary noises. I second God in this. Even if God is sleeping, he’ll know what you did. Even if you try to attach a silencer to your nail cutter still the God will know. Just because you sin differently, don’t think you are not seen. You are all recorded in a special CCTV  exclusively for the Nail cutters and mind you, you’ll have a special place in hell. This isn’t just an Indian superstition, this is the defeat of science.

No matter how busy God is keeping records of who is doing what but those with nail cutters, ” you are gone”. The one with scissors, don’t you feel safe because it’s kind of the same thing because chopping the hair on those 3 days and all nights of the week isn’t a good idea neither. So save your ass and do as you’re told.

With love,

The ministry of Indian Superstitions

Socially Awkward Butterfly

I usually surround myself with an invisible bubble that keeps new people away from me. I am not so easily approachable. I do not like most of the people and so I hesitate when it comes to being social. I hate to socialize because it includes talking to those you don’t even want to see. Though I have a few people I love and hang out with I picked them for me. I don’t know how to start a conversation with a new and random person. I might just spend the whole time waiting for the other person to initiate (and if one doesn’t, even better!!) and that makes me a Socially Awkward Butterfly (so what if I’m socially awkward, I’m still a butterfly).

Being a social butterfly doesn’t mean that I always need to talk.  For me, it is just listening to others at the beginning. If anyone tries to talk, I listen. If I feel like talking or suggesting anything I do it. I feel it’s better if I talk less and listen more. This way I can learn about people before they can know about me and so I can choose the people I would like to talk to myself.

Talking too much can backfire too. People can sometimes act really stupid. That can interpret different meanings of what you say. They may take anything in the wrong way. They can filter or color your words according to their understanding and convenience. They may even spread rumors about you saying that you said something that you never did. Talking less can prevent this and can be a plus point for me.

You cannot escape socialization. Wherever you are, whatever you do, you need to interact. If you cannot talk, you can’t survive, some people can win just by the words, others may lose in the same way. My social awkwardness has made me hesitant, under-confident and unnecessarily shy. Knowing that I’m better off many others, I still feel shy in raising the hand and making any point.

Every day is a challenge for me; the world is full of humans. Wherever your head turns, you’ll find people. I can be an extrovert if I find the right person to talk to but then that’s another task. The world doesn’t accept introverts but interestingly, introverts have their own world. Maybe, what matters most is being happy- with people around or without anyone around.

You Are What You're Told To Be

Isn’t it very depressing that when you’re a kid, everyone around you encourages you to follow your dreams, but when you’re older, somehow they act offended if you even try? You are no longer encouraged by those who once injected confidence in you? Your dance, for instance, is limited to your co-curricular activities in school (for certificates) or maybe to your family functions. Your family no longer adores the star in you the way they felt proud even when you were a goat in a fancy dress competition?

Talking of the competition, not only we compete at various levels, our parents compete with the other parents as whose child will make his/her family prouder. “Your boy opted for humanities? My champ took Science!”; “Your girl is an air hostess?  My girl is the head manager in an MNC”. There are a lot many such examples where parents are happily boasting about their child’s success but did anyone ask that science boy or the head MNC girl if they are happy with what they are doing?

The one who wanted to be a writer might end up being an architect. The guy, who wanted to be a chef, is now a doctor. The girl who once wished to be a cartoonist is now a fashion designer. Inside every next person is a person that one wanted to be and that one is currently not. Most of us have killed their dreams maybe because their dreams didn’t match with that of their family or any particular situation at a particular time. Those who are focused, always strive for what they want, they fight for it. Those who are not strong enough, simply surrender themselves to destiny. Such people start to go with the flow and often curse their destiny for not giving them what they deserved.

Almost all of us had the toy guitar that played some random music when you press a button. For us, it was just a guitar, but for someone, it was his passion; something his parents didn’t like in his hands as he was growing. The “chaar log kya kahenge?” tension has taken many lives & a lot more are yet to be slaughtered.

Then comes the worst thing of all times – comparison. No matter how many times we tell the people to stop comparing an Apple with a Peach but what eventually happens? In the race of being an Apple, the Peach ends up looking like a butt. Not everyone can ignore what would make their parents happy or what can quiet the stupid relatives. Those relatives that magically appear the moment you turn 25. You might not know their names but they are ready to whip you with their tongues. Every “what do you do? How much do you make? When will you get married? What are your plans?” kind of question is as displeasing as the face of the one who is asking.

Plenty of us are unhappy with what we are doing because we do what we are made to do. Irritated at work, cribbing about jobs, looking at those following their passion and envying them.  In the end we don’t know who is to be blamed: the family, the relatives, the fear, the peer pressure, the circumstances or just ourselves for not having the courage…

Count My Flaws

As per the standard definition, a FLAW is any defect or weakness in a person or one’s character. A major bunch of us is always conscious of the ‘defects’ in us. We have the inferiority complex, we’re under-confident and often look in others what we are not blessed with (often out of envy).

When we think of all our imperfections then it sums up to sadness. Irrespective of age and gender, anyone can get seriously upset and jealous. It is so distressing to see SO MANY around us think nothing before making the other person feel inadequate. People laugh at those who stammer, fat people are always a joke material, wearing spectacles is not easy for a child, a teenager with a few grey hairs is mocked, height is a problem, English speaking is a national issue, joblessness is pointed, skinny people are assumed to have deficiencies, pimples disgust, husky voice is unpleasant, facial hair on women is a big disgrace…. Basically, anything and everything is made fun of.

All of it could be carried by a child’s mind for years or maybe a lifetime.

We all know somebody who’s trying to be perfect from the outside but from the inside they might just be so empty and scared. Scared if people get to know what’s behind the layers of makeup, what’s the thickness of the spectacles behind those lenses, how many pimples the beard is hiding, or how many failures they have faced.

People, in fact, try to cover up their aimlessness by taking a pointless job. It’s too easy to demoralize someone with your harsh words without realizing its impact. If we can’t say anything good we must keep silent.

Choose one – sympathy or empathy? I pick empathy because “I can understand how you must be feeling” sound more convincing coming from the one who shares the same or similar pain and even a flaw.

What if, while we are discussing our achievements and adventures, start discussing our flaws as well? Imagine if the other person shares the same problem and might want to open up with me because he/she was always very uncomfortable about it? What if in a discussion we could find a solution to our problems by someone? Maybe the discussion can reduce if not remove the feeling of mediocrity in a person. TRY. Maybe you can make somebody feel good and ACCEPTED.

Remember: Self-acceptance is more important than social acceptance. A flaw in a person shouldn’t be decided by society but by the person himself. I accept myself. So, count my flaws while you fix yours.

The Right Age To Marry

Brown girls have 99 problems. One of their biggest discomforts is being judged on petty things. Everybody is eyeing the girl and she knows she is being noticed by even those she doesn’t know about. Beauty standards, clothes checklist, required skills and all the disciplines are told and taught to her since childhood. As a brown girl grows, her tensions grow along. Tensions of perfect skin, perfect body, perfect character and a perfect age to marry. All the girls I know are tired of the talks about “the right age to marry”. The right age is technically a nonsense thing but socially it’s a pre-requisite for marriage.

Since I stepped into my 20s, I’m flooded with the blood-sucking talks of marriage and marriageable age and what would make me a good bride and a good wife. I know that I am presented as the best product of the family that will further decorate my would-be family. My features, guarantee and warranty must be overly exaggerated to others to make sure they realize what they would miss on if they don’t take me as their BAHU.

The day I crossed 23, I saw the stress on my father’s face as he wished me a happy birthday because when he was saying “happy birthday”, in his head he was counting “happy TWENTY-THIRD birthday”. I know this. I was sure he’s now worried about my uncontrollable ageing and how he needs to find a boy for me as soon as possible because- “the right age to marry”. With all the disappointment, worries and latent happiness I heard “happy birthday” which I assume would actually be “no right age to marry now but still happy birthday to you”. *Laughs it off*

It was my cousin's wedding. I hated going to weddings or parties for the same talks of marriage. This is all sickening. It’s better to stay with your pet at home and eat in your pyjamas than taking an hour to get dressed to listen to things you don’t want to. More than half the faces were new to me. I hate you already. At the wedding, a girl 10 years younger said to me “you know you should marry now. She is also marrying but her face.... she looks so dull. You still have a pretty face so you marry soon.” WTF she just said!! She’s hardly 15 years old and saying all of it. I just didn’t know what was worse- her, telling me about my right age to marry or her, saying things like this?

The Conclusion:

THIS WILL HAPPEN. Make peace with it. The sooner you accept, the less it will irritate. Nobody around has got any better thing to do than poking. What best we can do is let the people around us behave like fools and while they are at their best (annoying) selves, we’ll be at our happy selves. You do you because it’s never going to end. Cheers to being brave EVERY DAY!!