Feel free to feel beautiful

Looking good is on the to-do list of all the girls. Every girl tries her level hard to be present as an eye-catching human of the place they are at. We girls work on our hair, face, body, clothes , accessories , shoes, bags or even nail art just to look every bit perfect. Obviously this thing can't be generalized to all the women. Some are just too cool to give a fack to all this. They can carry baggy clothes, casual shoes and messy hair in the sassiest way possible. Effortlessly pretty. I have always adorned those women. Like so awesome.

I was a girl that was too much dependent on her contact lenses if I had to step out of the house ; which made me dependent on the eye liner to beauty them. I have frizzy n curly hair so there was no life without hair straightening to get rid of the frizz. The lips couldn't do without a lipstick - the darker the better. Then obviously the clothes should match the shoes. The nail paint should be changed every week. Gosh ! So much of it. I was so much dependent on every single thing like an absence if any of it would make me think a thousand things negative about my looks. I felt so incomplete.

When I got my braces done last year I was so ashamed if stepping out of the house. I looked like a goat. Any lip color (all of them being bold shades) would look so bad on me as my lips were all popped out after the braces.  I would refuse to hang out and taking pictures was something I tried to escape. After a few weeks I started feeling comfortable with this look as there was no other option. I started taking selfies with silly filters which didn't highlight my mouth portion so much and I started to like it. I started taking pictures with everyone. Life cant remain easy for long so one day I got conjunctivitis.

 I could not put my contacts on. I literally took a 2 days off so that I can get back at work with contacts. Things didn't work and in fact backfired due to my impatience. I put my lenses on my half recovered eyes and it got worse. So much that I was told to not out them for at least 45 days. Then I had no option but to put on my spectacles. Though I've been wearing anti glares at office it didn't really come like something new to the people around me as they were seeing me with my glasses on every day. This was easy. I waited for 45 days . Still I was so uncomfortable with the contacts that out of irritation I actually tore them off. I got another pair thinking that the previous pair might have worn out. The new pair didn't work and I literally threw it. Since then I'm not wearing lenses but only my spectacles. Blessing in disguise - I didn't have to do any eye makeup which saves 15 minutes in the morning so more sleep. Then I stopped even making my hair. Another 15 minutes more to sleep. Then no lipstick. Another few mins. So basically I started living a life with more morning sleep and least dependency on those little things that mattered to me the most at a time. I was so stupid.

Now even I'm one of those girls I adored. Getting ready is easy is effortless. I no longer look at those girls with an awe that have everything on point. My life gave me chances to accept myself better. I feel good, I feel pretty.


Feel free to feel beautiful !

Don't be so hard on yourself

When you are trying to push yourself into something which is just not meant to be for you , just like mixing oil into water, know this that you are being very hard to yourself. The quotes may say things like 'push yourself more when you decide to give up' and similar things that may sound brilliant but don't suit most situations. It's just so normal to not be perfect. You are anyway better than those who aren't even trying. It takes a lot to make decisions to quit, to give up, to take a break or to relax. There are times when you reach your saturation point beyond which is just harm, majorly mentally. Then at that time we have people around us who act like a pro in every situation. It's always very easy to advice someone because when someone comes to you with a problem they are into a maze, they are lost and can't decide ; While you with a bird's eye from the above have a view on how to get out of that maze. However when you are in a maze of your own you need an other person to take you out of it. A solution can only be suggested , a direction can only be shown but whether to walk that way is entirely your decision. If it suits it's great , if it doesn't then just don't impose it on yourself. We are already following the trends we are not supposed to. We are already jumping into fire even when we don't need to. We are constantly pushing our limits to a point that it starts to backfire. You don't talk to anyone more than you talk to yourself so be kinder with yourself.

What he goes through

In this world where feminism has become a topic of important discussion and also patriarchal behavior is highlighted , people are now going deeper into the struggles of those weaker section of women that have been oppressed in some way. A good cause, a great initiative and a hope for an equal world.

Now when the world at present is already male dominating the larger points and privileges of being a man is shown. The focus is always on that part of the men's world which is over powering. Giving a look at what an average guy of mid twenties go through might not feel what we think it to be . Obviously I could only have around me the people with similar age so I would put some light on those.

Some are the recent graduates that are in a constant tension of getting a job because of various family, social, peer or personal pressure.

Those who are wanting to study more have started to listen to things like "when I was your age, we had you with us and you aren't even done with your education".

Those who are willing to study but just can't get through a particular course because they never wanted to pursue it get to hear things like "this horse is simply wasting my money. He was better at our shop only".

Those who have a job now but are paid less especially compared to the girls from the same college or batch are already having a rock on their egos either through self analysis or social taunts .

The boys with the girlfriends are the real victims because they have a fixed bamboo in their ass to pace up quick at job and carrier so they can talk at their home and the girl's home otherwise she'd go elsewhere is another tension and somewhere a torture as well. This makes me so sad and guilty on behalf of all the girls who are doing it and definitely so much sympathy for all the guys who are bearing this pressure . This is just too bad.

The guys who have a girl they wish to marry might hear it from their parents " yeah, Now you are mature enough to take your decisions because you've slipped out of hands. We mean nothing to you.your choice your decisions we bloody don't have a say in this. Very well you are going".

Their mornings start from taking their dogs to the walk with eyes half opened. Their nights go with listening to their family's complaints and if they have a girl friend they sleep to her complaints as well. By the end of the week they get a Sunday when they wake up to the switched of fan by the maid that's cleaning the room. The Saturday night is no fun if their girl has to always cry "why do you always have to drink every some days?" . In their mind the guy might say "mah life mah rulz" but ends up convincing "baby ek hi to din milta hai usme toh relax karne do" . The remaining weekend goes wooing the girl and then it's again Monday and all that happens again.

There are so many boys around us ranging from 'just graduated' to 'about to marry' each having different struggles, tensions, pressures and so many mixed feelings that might not let them sleep. They might face depression as well. But amazingly that bunch of the male world is never focused on.

They just can't leave the job because they can marry a girl who's earning enough for both.
They are always worried about their careers because they'll be the man of the house one day.

The guilt in their heart that the salary is not enough and they still have to ask for extra Money from their dad instead of giving them.
The fear of losing their love to someone just because she can't wait because 25 is older of girls but not boys.
They can't cry openly because "big boys don't cry".

So much in them but never reaches to their mouth to tell. They just hold a beer bottle and the world feels they're chilling. *Sigh*

Chaar Log Kya Kahenge ?

I always wanted to write about it. So frustrated and excited. This is not just a topic or a question , this is a dream killer sentence . I think of something to go for - I am very excited - my thought bubbles begin to form - CHAAR LOG KYA KAHENGE? Bubble burst ! Even if it doesn't bother you it will bother your family because they have a different bunch of chaar log EACH. It makes too many LOGs to bother over. I have always wondered (more times than thinking about what to eat) that who are exactly these people and what exactly do they say ? The "shut up!" from the parents come as "they who must not be named" types because even they don't know who says what.

By far the best social media post I have come across on Chaar Log is "the entire life you keep thinking Chaar Log kya kahenge and when you finally meet them they say "Ram Naam Satya Hai". Losers !! Can't even face us when we are alive.

Bloody why do these four people talk so much ? Maybe they are the bitchy aunties jo apna tummy expose karke crop top wali ladki ko judge karti hai. Maybe they are those uncles who are sitting idle and complain over the market conditions but are always ahead in suggesting business ideas. Maybe they are the wanna-be teens who are learning to apply eye liner or grow beard through You-Tube . Basically they are those relatives , friends , neighbors , classmates , colleagues , assholes , shit-butts , potty-mouth with the lowest self esteem that they try to mock others to lift themselves up. Genius , right ?

The fear is so strong that we also start to assume who can say what for which thing. The fear of being judged by those who never had the balls to take the risk actually kills the dreamers inside us. These people vanish in thin air after our success and then also they might not say anything good about us because remember "lifting themselves by putting you down"?

If you are in your early 20s the topic of marriage will obviously be there. As soon as a girl crosses 23 tension develops , she touches 24 it gets serious because "agle saal 25 ki ho jayegi , iski umar me mera ek beta hogaya tha". Most of us don't give a fuck. Even if any of us sacrifices herself then this is not the end by the way . You are at your marriage surrounded by unforgiving assholes who would still say the following things :
- venue kaafi door pad gaya huein
- khaana aiwayi hai
- non veg nahi rakhwaya ?
- look at the bride's makeup so cakey and what's she wearing ?
- the couple isn't so charming
- humein to barfi ka dabba dia , usko laddoo dedia
- the arrangement is not so khaas
- married in such a hurry, must be an affair

Shitting from their mouths all over while hogging in YOUR marriage from YOUR money about YOU. You can never please anyone chaahe chum-chum ka dabba dedo.

The fear of what others will say about us affects us because somewhere for someone we have also been one out of the four souls who's been so mean and judgmental. Think about it, I am making a really valid point here. On Social Media they are the ones who comment shit by hiding behind their computer screens. In real life they never face you. You never see them and so you never know. If you don't know then why bother ? Those Chaar Log would have their Chaar Log too :) . Don't judge , don't fear.

The Taste Of PINK

Three flavors of the yogurt at the display - Mango, Raspberry & Blueberry. Haven't tried any, I was not sure of which will be the better one. Not every food item is worth taking a risk & trying. Mango, I thought, would be like the Mango duet ice cream. So by the time, I could decide the last Blueberry yogurt was sold. Raspberry !!! Opening the pack I wished it not to be such pink from the inside as it was displayed but God was not in my favor. There it is, all pink.



I have always been very reluctant to go for any PINK food. Whatever I am eating or drinking should particularly be not pink. Seeing pink food doesn't give me a good feeling. Honestly, I always hated the taste of pink [except cotton candy]. To me, every pink thing tastes bittersweet. Even as a child I would never have any pink ice cream, it always felt so unsweetened. Then while going through the same pink yogurt I made a list of all possible things in mind that are pink are took a verbal survey of people around me on it [it was lunchtime and I'm always up with the surreal questions that bring up my insanity level in public].

I asked a few colleagues on how do they like pink food, like anything pink. They told me they never observed while eating [yeah, obviously, it's just me who comes up with all this]. So going by the list I discussed on how bad the flavor of the strawberry ice cream is, how pathetic does the pink shakes taste, how stale is any pink candy, how nasty are all pink chewing gums [except boomer & big bubble, they are good], how bland are pink flavored wafers or how insipid are those cakes & pastries with pink icings. Of course, I was driving the thoughts by continuously reminding them of how worse can anything be if turned pink. I was getting a neutral response until I mentioned the medicine we've all had by local clinic doctors in that small translucent bottle with a green cap - that medicine tasted all crap and poisoned. Bloody that was also PINK in color and ugliest in taste. They could have chosen any other color but came up with PINK. Those antacids are also pink. Pink has medicinal properties, maybe.

I've always loved pink in all shades and on all things different but it comes to something that'll go into my tummy, my food is anything but pink. If the above content was relate-able then let me know, if you never noticed any such thing and now you are processing your brains then please do so, if you still love pink food then kindly excuse me :)
NOTICE WHAT YOU EAT !!

P.S.: I don't count strawberries and cherries in their original forms as pink [hypocrisy in pink intended]  

Am I there for myself?

Almost 3 decades of life, high paced rat race, assumed competition from the peers, all the new phases, bigger adjustments than before, forgotten friends, unforgiving workplace and a thousand thoughts in silence....all of it and still nothing in life. Gone are the days of a sound sleep. Today, there are a million sounds in sleep. Maybe the soul is appealing for freedom for I abducted my own self within me.

Often advised to stay calm and not get bothered by the things and buggers around me I don't follow what is being said to me. Knowing that my impulse reactions affect me the most I can't help it because in my heart even I know that I am not doing good to me.

A bad routine, a bad diet, a bad life plan, worse decisions and worst outcomes. Where there should be gratitude in the attitude, I am consistently blaming myself for everything that's not on track and for the things that could have been better. Impulsive decisions and nasty thoughts. I need to be a calm soul and at peace in my mind but I behave no less than an infuriated monkey.

Two degrees and two bank accounts but in the balance sheet of life, happiness is not equal to the sorrows. I try inhaling some peace of mind while exhaling a lot of frustration. Clearly, I am failing at the most important role in life - being my own guardian.